Monday, November 29, 2004
3.
3.
Kat lay on a couch in Gary’s study. She’d been laying there alone in the darkness for what seemed like hours. What the hell had she been thinking? Didn’t she love Charlie? Why couldn’t she be more stable like Kim? Kim and Doug had a perfectly happy relationship that didn’t need stupid drama to keep it going. They were in love, and Kat envied that.
A few more minutes passed as she lay there. She noticed the first glow of morning through the window, and thought maybe she should get up and go find him. Maybe if she apologized and groveled, he’d take her back. Then she’d stop with the open relationship nonsense, and try to be more like Kim.
“Oh, who are you kidding,” she said to herself in the gloom, “there’s no way he’s going to take you back, the way you treated him.”
Her voice echoed back to her in the darkness, and she started to cry again. She was still crying when the door to the study opened. Charlie peered into the near darkness. “Gary?”
“Charlie, is that you?”
“Oh, uh, hey, Kat.”
“Can we talk?” She stood up and noticed that Colette was standing with him in the doorway. “If you don’t want to...”
Colette whispered something in Charlie’s ear. “Okay,” he said to Colette, then turned back to Kat. “No. I think we should.” Colette disappeared from the door, and Charlie walked slowly into the room through the darkness. He came over and sat in an easy chair, and turned a small desk lamp on. Her makeup had run again, and she was a bit of a mess.
“Look, Kat...” He gave her some tissues out of his pocket, and she wiped her eyes.
“No, let me talk.” She sat across from him. “I, uh, I don’t know what the hell I’ve been thinking, Charlie. You’ve been so good to me and all I’ve done is treat you like a servant or something. All the time we’ve been together, especially since the start of the school year this year, I’ve been taking you for granted, like someone I could fall back on. That was wrong, and I know it.
“But seeing you tonight, acting the way you did towards me, something terrible kicked in. I felt like I needed to get back at you somehow. All this time that I’ve been going around with other guys, it was always guys you didn’t know. That way I figured you wouldn’t be pissed at me if you caught me. That was foolish of me, too. I realize that now. I was just thinking about myself all that time.
“But for me to get Bill involved in all of this, that was terrible of me. I was just taking advantage of the attraction that I’ve always know he had for me. The way he looked at me tonight, I felt so right. I never got that from you, because I never gave you the chance to feel that way. I realize that now. I’ve been such a fool, Charlie.” She started to cry again.
“Look, Kat. Everything’s okay. I’m sorry it all came to this.”
“But it’s not okay. I’ve treated you so terribly, and when you said that you were going to go out for the draft, something just snapped inside of me. I had this crazy idea that we were going to be together forever, you know. I’d planned it all out. College, you getting drafted, getting a big house, having kids.”
“Well, I...”
“I know, it was stupid of me.”
“No. I thought about that a few times too. But we’re just kids, you know? What do we really know?”
“I guess. But at the same time as I wanted all of that, I wanted to be wild, you know? I’m not as smart as Kim, and people look at the hair and the boobs and they just think I’m some dumb cheerleader. And they’re right, you know? So I felt like I needed to be a little outrageous, so people wouldn’t think bad about me.”
“Kat, no one thinks bad things about you. Not even me. Hell, you’re probably just as popular as I am, even if we’re not together.”
“You hate me. I know you do.”
“No, why would I hate you?”
“Because I treated you like shit and made your life miserable. Can you forgive me?”
Charlie moved over to the couch next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. “Of course I forgive you. But you and me, we’re over. I still have some feelings for you, but I think maybe the best thing for the two of us is to let this go.”
“Oh, Charlie. I guess I understand. I had some half-assed idea that I could get you back. Obviously, I was wrong about that.” She took a deep breath. If she was going to ask the question, it had better be now. “You’re with her, now?”
“Yeah. Colette and I should have been together a while now. I think we both knew that.” He leaned back on the couch. “Look, we’re still friends, okay. I know that isn’t what you want, but we’ve been through a lot together, and I’m not a complete asshole.”
“I appreciate that, Charlie. And I’m sorry that I made a complete and utter disaster out of the party for you.”
He stood up. “Hey, listen, you didn’t mess anything up. It’s a party. Crazy things are bound to happen. Look at what happened to Bill tonight.”
“Oh, god, Bill. He must really hate me.”
“Why don’t you go and talk to him? I’m sure he’ll be okay with it. He could use a friend right about now.”
“Thanks, Charlie.” She got up and hugged him. As he pulled away, she turned and kissed him one last time. She was glad that he didn’t turn away, but it didn’t feel the same anyway. “I really am sorry about everything. You deserve to be happy with Colette.”
They broke apart slowly. Charlie smiled at her, and then he was gone. Her heart ached, but she understood that it wasn’t meant to be. She sat back down on the couch for a while, then she decided that she should go and find Bill.
Doug yawned and rolled over. Kim was snoring away next to him, and he smiled. This had been the thing that he was looking forward to as much as playing for the crowd. They’d had sex before this, but it had been rushed, secretive, an act to be completed with swiftness so as not to disturb parents below or above. Not that that was necessarily bad. Sneaking about, there was a certain raw animality about it. But their lovemaking tonight had been relaxed and almost maddening in its pace. They’d spent a lot of time exploring each other’s bodies, finding more out about each other in a few hours than they’d found out in three years together. He’d craved the intimacy that they hadn’t had yet, and now he was sated, and feeling pretty good.
He sat up in bed, feeling the need for a cigarette. He wondered if anyone were awake downstairs. He got out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, then went to find his smokes. He assumed he’d left them down in his guitar case, so he pulled the cover up over Kim, then walked out of the bedroom. He slowly made his way downstairs, stepping over kids sleeping in the hallway. When he got down to the foyer, he noticed that the snow had stopped, and the sun was trying to poke through the low clouds on the horizon. A few people were still awake, or maybe awake again. He walked into the great room, and was surprised to see Bill there, sitting on the lip of the stage and playing his bass softly.
“Hey, man,” he said as he walked up, “what’s up?”
Bill stopped playing. He hadn’t noticed Doug come walking up. “I’ll go, man. Just let me take my bass.”
“No. You don’t have to go.” He walked over to the side of the stage and picked up his guitar case, which was covered in stickers from local bands. He opened it and rummaged around until he found a pack of Marlboro Lights and his lighter, then closed the case. He sat down next to Bill. “You’re not going to freak out again, are you?”
“No, Doug. We’re cool.” Bill picked out a few chords on his bass. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I screwed up your show. I was just...”
“I know, man. You were having a good time. There’s no law against that.”
“I know. I just couldn’t help it. Between the pot and Kat taking advantage of me, I totally lost control of myself.”
“It’s okay. But you gotta understand something.” Doug got up and stood in front of Bill. “I’m not playing for fun anymore. Last night’s show was the last time we fuck around any more. I hired Kevin for a reason, and it wasn’t just to back me up when I’m singing. He’s a professional, and that’s what I’m looking for.”
“I can be that way.”
“I’m sorry, Bill, but I don’t think you can. If that tape gets into the hands of someone who wants me, I need to know that I can count on you. And I don’t really think I can.”
“That’s pretty harsh, man.”
“Look. You and I, we’re friends. But someone needs to slap you in the head. You’re a talented musician, and you’ve got a gift that someone can use. But if you don’t believe in my material, then I don’t need you. There are a bunch of bands out there that could use you, though.”
“I guess so, Doug.” He stood up, and Doug noticed how big the lump on his head was. “I just figured that we could work things out, you know.”
“I’m sorry, Bill, but it has to be this way. We’ve had a good run, you know. A lot of good shows together. But I need to make this change, if I’m going to get to that next level. Kevin can help me get there.”
“Get where?” Kevin was leaning on the doorframe, watching the two of them.
“Hey, Kev. I was just explaining how things are to Bill.”
Bill looked over at Kevin. He had a bandage on his nose, and a ugly bruise on his cheek. “Kevin, listen, I’m sorry, man. I feel like an asshole.”
Kevin walked over to them. “Don’t worry about it. I’d probably react about the same if I’d gotten booted out of The Pull-Tabs.” He walked over and examined his guitar. It didn’t look broken. He picked it up and strummed a few chords. “Cool. I thought I’d fallen on this.”
Doug took a drag on his cigarette. “Look, Bill. If you still want to play with us today, you can. But this is it, you know. There’s no turning back now.”
“I guess I knew that all along. I always figured we’d be kicking around the circuit forever.”
“I can’t go on like that. I need to do something else. This tape,” he patted his pocket, “is the key to that. I’ve already heard from Andrew Proctor...”
“That hack? He probably just wants to take your songs and give them to that Tim Hammer kid. He’s even more of a pussy then the New Kids.”
“Well, he’s interested. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a foot in the door. Kevin and I are planning to spend some time down in Manhattan this summer trying to get a better shot. Proctor said he was interested once I got out of school.”
Bill was surprised. He hadn’t expected any of this. He figured Doug would shop around the tape, nothing would happen, and they’d be back playing The Moon and Tuxedo Junction and The Sting just like every other year. He stuck his hand out. “Well, good luck to you, I guess. I wouldn’t throw my lot in with that guy, but hey, more power to you.”
Doug shook his hand. He felt a lot better about everything now. “Look, I’m going to go and see if I can find some breakfast. We’re not going to play for a while. It’s too early anyway. Why don’t you go and get some rest? Both of you.” He got up and headed for the kitchen.
Kat lay on a couch in Gary’s study. She’d been laying there alone in the darkness for what seemed like hours. What the hell had she been thinking? Didn’t she love Charlie? Why couldn’t she be more stable like Kim? Kim and Doug had a perfectly happy relationship that didn’t need stupid drama to keep it going. They were in love, and Kat envied that.
A few more minutes passed as she lay there. She noticed the first glow of morning through the window, and thought maybe she should get up and go find him. Maybe if she apologized and groveled, he’d take her back. Then she’d stop with the open relationship nonsense, and try to be more like Kim.
“Oh, who are you kidding,” she said to herself in the gloom, “there’s no way he’s going to take you back, the way you treated him.”
Her voice echoed back to her in the darkness, and she started to cry again. She was still crying when the door to the study opened. Charlie peered into the near darkness. “Gary?”
“Charlie, is that you?”
“Oh, uh, hey, Kat.”
“Can we talk?” She stood up and noticed that Colette was standing with him in the doorway. “If you don’t want to...”
Colette whispered something in Charlie’s ear. “Okay,” he said to Colette, then turned back to Kat. “No. I think we should.” Colette disappeared from the door, and Charlie walked slowly into the room through the darkness. He came over and sat in an easy chair, and turned a small desk lamp on. Her makeup had run again, and she was a bit of a mess.
“Look, Kat...” He gave her some tissues out of his pocket, and she wiped her eyes.
“No, let me talk.” She sat across from him. “I, uh, I don’t know what the hell I’ve been thinking, Charlie. You’ve been so good to me and all I’ve done is treat you like a servant or something. All the time we’ve been together, especially since the start of the school year this year, I’ve been taking you for granted, like someone I could fall back on. That was wrong, and I know it.
“But seeing you tonight, acting the way you did towards me, something terrible kicked in. I felt like I needed to get back at you somehow. All this time that I’ve been going around with other guys, it was always guys you didn’t know. That way I figured you wouldn’t be pissed at me if you caught me. That was foolish of me, too. I realize that now. I was just thinking about myself all that time.
“But for me to get Bill involved in all of this, that was terrible of me. I was just taking advantage of the attraction that I’ve always know he had for me. The way he looked at me tonight, I felt so right. I never got that from you, because I never gave you the chance to feel that way. I realize that now. I’ve been such a fool, Charlie.” She started to cry again.
“Look, Kat. Everything’s okay. I’m sorry it all came to this.”
“But it’s not okay. I’ve treated you so terribly, and when you said that you were going to go out for the draft, something just snapped inside of me. I had this crazy idea that we were going to be together forever, you know. I’d planned it all out. College, you getting drafted, getting a big house, having kids.”
“Well, I...”
“I know, it was stupid of me.”
“No. I thought about that a few times too. But we’re just kids, you know? What do we really know?”
“I guess. But at the same time as I wanted all of that, I wanted to be wild, you know? I’m not as smart as Kim, and people look at the hair and the boobs and they just think I’m some dumb cheerleader. And they’re right, you know? So I felt like I needed to be a little outrageous, so people wouldn’t think bad about me.”
“Kat, no one thinks bad things about you. Not even me. Hell, you’re probably just as popular as I am, even if we’re not together.”
“You hate me. I know you do.”
“No, why would I hate you?”
“Because I treated you like shit and made your life miserable. Can you forgive me?”
Charlie moved over to the couch next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. “Of course I forgive you. But you and me, we’re over. I still have some feelings for you, but I think maybe the best thing for the two of us is to let this go.”
“Oh, Charlie. I guess I understand. I had some half-assed idea that I could get you back. Obviously, I was wrong about that.” She took a deep breath. If she was going to ask the question, it had better be now. “You’re with her, now?”
“Yeah. Colette and I should have been together a while now. I think we both knew that.” He leaned back on the couch. “Look, we’re still friends, okay. I know that isn’t what you want, but we’ve been through a lot together, and I’m not a complete asshole.”
“I appreciate that, Charlie. And I’m sorry that I made a complete and utter disaster out of the party for you.”
He stood up. “Hey, listen, you didn’t mess anything up. It’s a party. Crazy things are bound to happen. Look at what happened to Bill tonight.”
“Oh, god, Bill. He must really hate me.”
“Why don’t you go and talk to him? I’m sure he’ll be okay with it. He could use a friend right about now.”
“Thanks, Charlie.” She got up and hugged him. As he pulled away, she turned and kissed him one last time. She was glad that he didn’t turn away, but it didn’t feel the same anyway. “I really am sorry about everything. You deserve to be happy with Colette.”
They broke apart slowly. Charlie smiled at her, and then he was gone. Her heart ached, but she understood that it wasn’t meant to be. She sat back down on the couch for a while, then she decided that she should go and find Bill.
Doug yawned and rolled over. Kim was snoring away next to him, and he smiled. This had been the thing that he was looking forward to as much as playing for the crowd. They’d had sex before this, but it had been rushed, secretive, an act to be completed with swiftness so as not to disturb parents below or above. Not that that was necessarily bad. Sneaking about, there was a certain raw animality about it. But their lovemaking tonight had been relaxed and almost maddening in its pace. They’d spent a lot of time exploring each other’s bodies, finding more out about each other in a few hours than they’d found out in three years together. He’d craved the intimacy that they hadn’t had yet, and now he was sated, and feeling pretty good.
He sat up in bed, feeling the need for a cigarette. He wondered if anyone were awake downstairs. He got out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, then went to find his smokes. He assumed he’d left them down in his guitar case, so he pulled the cover up over Kim, then walked out of the bedroom. He slowly made his way downstairs, stepping over kids sleeping in the hallway. When he got down to the foyer, he noticed that the snow had stopped, and the sun was trying to poke through the low clouds on the horizon. A few people were still awake, or maybe awake again. He walked into the great room, and was surprised to see Bill there, sitting on the lip of the stage and playing his bass softly.
“Hey, man,” he said as he walked up, “what’s up?”
Bill stopped playing. He hadn’t noticed Doug come walking up. “I’ll go, man. Just let me take my bass.”
“No. You don’t have to go.” He walked over to the side of the stage and picked up his guitar case, which was covered in stickers from local bands. He opened it and rummaged around until he found a pack of Marlboro Lights and his lighter, then closed the case. He sat down next to Bill. “You’re not going to freak out again, are you?”
“No, Doug. We’re cool.” Bill picked out a few chords on his bass. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I screwed up your show. I was just...”
“I know, man. You were having a good time. There’s no law against that.”
“I know. I just couldn’t help it. Between the pot and Kat taking advantage of me, I totally lost control of myself.”
“It’s okay. But you gotta understand something.” Doug got up and stood in front of Bill. “I’m not playing for fun anymore. Last night’s show was the last time we fuck around any more. I hired Kevin for a reason, and it wasn’t just to back me up when I’m singing. He’s a professional, and that’s what I’m looking for.”
“I can be that way.”
“I’m sorry, Bill, but I don’t think you can. If that tape gets into the hands of someone who wants me, I need to know that I can count on you. And I don’t really think I can.”
“That’s pretty harsh, man.”
“Look. You and I, we’re friends. But someone needs to slap you in the head. You’re a talented musician, and you’ve got a gift that someone can use. But if you don’t believe in my material, then I don’t need you. There are a bunch of bands out there that could use you, though.”
“I guess so, Doug.” He stood up, and Doug noticed how big the lump on his head was. “I just figured that we could work things out, you know.”
“I’m sorry, Bill, but it has to be this way. We’ve had a good run, you know. A lot of good shows together. But I need to make this change, if I’m going to get to that next level. Kevin can help me get there.”
“Get where?” Kevin was leaning on the doorframe, watching the two of them.
“Hey, Kev. I was just explaining how things are to Bill.”
Bill looked over at Kevin. He had a bandage on his nose, and a ugly bruise on his cheek. “Kevin, listen, I’m sorry, man. I feel like an asshole.”
Kevin walked over to them. “Don’t worry about it. I’d probably react about the same if I’d gotten booted out of The Pull-Tabs.” He walked over and examined his guitar. It didn’t look broken. He picked it up and strummed a few chords. “Cool. I thought I’d fallen on this.”
Doug took a drag on his cigarette. “Look, Bill. If you still want to play with us today, you can. But this is it, you know. There’s no turning back now.”
“I guess I knew that all along. I always figured we’d be kicking around the circuit forever.”
“I can’t go on like that. I need to do something else. This tape,” he patted his pocket, “is the key to that. I’ve already heard from Andrew Proctor...”
“That hack? He probably just wants to take your songs and give them to that Tim Hammer kid. He’s even more of a pussy then the New Kids.”
“Well, he’s interested. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a foot in the door. Kevin and I are planning to spend some time down in Manhattan this summer trying to get a better shot. Proctor said he was interested once I got out of school.”
Bill was surprised. He hadn’t expected any of this. He figured Doug would shop around the tape, nothing would happen, and they’d be back playing The Moon and Tuxedo Junction and The Sting just like every other year. He stuck his hand out. “Well, good luck to you, I guess. I wouldn’t throw my lot in with that guy, but hey, more power to you.”
Doug shook his hand. He felt a lot better about everything now. “Look, I’m going to go and see if I can find some breakfast. We’re not going to play for a while. It’s too early anyway. Why don’t you go and get some rest? Both of you.” He got up and headed for the kitchen.
